Alone
by PlatypusCraze
Summary: Two years after the game, Squall finds himself all alone, pulled into strange dream worlds, spouting anst, and suddenly forgetting the one person that means everything to him. [Squinoa]
1. Chapter 1: Forgetting

**Disclaimer: I do not own Square or any of the characters, obviously.**

Forgetting 

Eventually, everyone will end up alone.

Alone.

No one to talk to, no one to trust.

No one to say 'I love you' to.

No matter how happy you may be, or how much you care about someone, you will always end up alone. They will find some stupid reason to desert you, and take everything you live for with them.

That's what life has taught me.

Everyday since she left has been the same. I'll sit around in my stupid dorm room lying in my stupid bed, until there's more stupid paperwork to do for my stupid job.

My job is the only thing I can devote myself to. That stupid job was basically thrown at me, no one asked for my consent. No one even _cared_ if I wanted it; I was just suddenly 'the Commander.'

But nothing even matters anymore. I just let my pointless life pass me by as I try my best not to remember her.

"Rinoa…"

Apparently, my best isn't enough.

I have to say her name everyday; I have to think about her everyday. Her smile, her voice, her touch. Everything about her is painfully etched into my brain.

When she was with me, I desperately clung onto every detail, like my life depended on it, so I could never forget anything about her, even if I wanted to.

I regret that now.

I want to forget her, I want to move on, but I guess I won't let myself. I wonder if I'm just afraid of letting go, or I'm just afraid of what may happen if I do.

Whatever… Nothing even matters anymore.

She's gone, and she's never coming back. She made that much clear when she—

"Yo, Squall!"

I don't wanna talk to anyone. Especially you.

"Squall, open up!"

No one's in here, I swear.

"I know you're in there!"

I'm still not answering.

A loud bang sounded from the bottom of the door.

Great, he kicked my door.

"SQUALL!"

Fine.

I pulled my stupid body off my stupid bed, and slowly walked over to the stupid door, opening it to find a stupid, angry Zell in front of me.

"What do you want?" I mumbled angrily, crossing my arms.

"Headmaster wants you," Zell replied, trying to match my tone.

"Fine," I said as I pushed past him, making my way towards the elevator.

"I hate seeing you like this, man," he said quietly.

He pitied me. I hated that more than... a lot of things.

I don't have time for this.

I continued walking, but I didn't get very far.

My head suddenly split into an unbearable headache. My vision went foggy, and there was an obnoxious buzzing filling my ears. I tried clapping my hands over my ears, but my arms wouldn't move. My body was paralyzed. I was crashing to the floor, screaming for my arms to move as the ground flew towards me closer and closer. I gritted my teeth as I braced for the upcoming impact.

Not a good idea.

My face painfully smashed into the cold floor. I thought my front teeth would fall out of my mouth, and my lips would soon probably be five times larger than normal. It felt like my nose was breaking off, and I could feel my warm blood freely gush from my nostrils when I heard her voice.

"Squall?"

Her voice.

I suddenly wasn't lying in a heap of pain on the hard floor; I was standing in a field of flowers, all my physical pain gone. Wind was rushing around me, blowing colorful petals everywhere.

Her back was to me, her long blue duster and raven black hair flying wildly about. Her hair was longer than I remembered it being. Hey, it had been two years.

Two years?

I couldn't even remember that much time passing.

She turned around, and began walking towards me. I couldn't see her face; she was looking down at the rings on her necklace, which were being clutched tightly in her pale fist.

I didn't know what to do, my throat ran dry, my voice wouldn't come. I couldn't think clearly; my knees felt weak, my body was trembling uncontrollably.

What the hell? This isn't like me.

She continued to come closer and closer towards me, and then she stopped within inches of me. She looked up at me, locking her brown eyes with mine. I couldn't look away, even if I wanted to.

Her skin was horribly pale, an unhealthy pale. The sallow color was a huge contrast next to the pale, but lively, healthy skin she used to have. She looked extremely tired, maybe sick. But that's not what really bothered me.

Fear was swirling vividly in her dark brown eyes. She was shaking violently, and she quickly bit her bottom lip, probably thinking it would help.

I wanted to stop her from shaking; I wanted to make her smile, make her laugh. I wanted to comfort her the way I used to, hold her tightly, but—

"_Don't touch me!"_

I will not touch her.

"Rinoa?"

I guess my voice came back to me, because I definitely said that. I'm not sure if I sounded glad, or angry, or hurt, or miserable, because I felt too much at once. It's hard to remember.

I don't really know how it happened, but she was suddenly just crying all over me. So, I did what I had to. I wrapped my arms securely around her, forgetting how angry I was at her, forgetting the pain I went through because of her, forgetting how she took away my reason to live.

I guess I have to take back what I said.

I won't touch her, unless something happens that tells me I can… Right?

She just stood there grabbing me for a while sobbing her eyes out. She was still quivering uncontrollably, and she felt really frail. She even felt cold.

The only time I remember her ever feeling this cold was after the second fight with Matron, when she first became a sorceress.

_This isn't right._

I just kinda held her there for while, until I laid it all out in my head.

So basically, Rinoa left me, I haven't seen her for two years, and now all of a sudden she's here, just crying her way back into my arms? Something isn't right. None of this makes sense.

Wait.

"This is a dream."

The moment I said it, Rinoa dissaperated from my embrace with the rushing sound water makes as the faucet is shut off.

I can't believe I didn't realize it before. Of course it was dream. Like she would actually come back after telling me all that crap. But it doesn't make any sense; I'd already had thousands of dreams about her before, how was this one any different?

"Great job, Squall," a deep, ominous voice said, echoing loudly in my ears.

What the--?

"I guess you pass."

"Who are you?" I yelled, but I found I was no longer screaming in the flowery field; I was flinging myself up into a sitting position, in the infirmary bed. My face was tingling like crazy; reminding me of the painful date the floor had just taken my face on before I was plunged into that stupid, all-too-realistic dream.

Wait a second. Why did I even have that dream?

The deep voice rumbled through my head again.

I passed? What the heck's that supposed to mean?

I was too deep in thought to realize someone was staring at me attentively.

"You okay, Squall?"

I flinched visibly at the sound of the voice, which didn't make my mood any better.

Was my mood ever any better?

I looked over at Zell to see him on the edge of his seat, studying me intently, like I was an extremely thrilling movie.

Another voice spoke, much more high-pitched and happier than Zell's, "Yeah, you said alotta weird things!"

I looked towards the overly energetic voice to watch a yellow blur in a cowboy hat stupidly bound about, eventually ending up kneeling next to my bed. Or _the_ bed. Whatever.

Selphie was staring at me intently, but she wasn't watching me like I was something incredibly enjoyable to look at, she gawking at me like I was just some huge bomb waiting to blow up. Oh well. It hasn't been the first time she's looked at me like that.

I sighed, rubbing my aching head. What do they want?

"What happened?" Zell asked.

I ignored his question. It shouldn't matter to them anyway.

"How long have I been out?" I asked instead.

"Hmm…" Selphie looked to Zell for support.

Zell seriously contemplated this for a few seconds before saying, "I dunno, a half hour?"

Half an hour? Did I really let her cry on me for that long?

"Hey, who were you talkin to?" Zell asked, trying to reword his previous question.

I just kinda looked at him. I hadn't been talking to anyone.

Oh, wait.

"Ya know," Selphie piped in, "'Who are you!'" she shouted, trying to make her voice sound deeper, but just ending up sounding plain ridiculous.

Is she trying to imitate me?

I looked away and said, "That's none of your business."

From the corner of my eye, I saw them exchange irritated looks.

I honestly just didn't care. They could think whatever they wanted about me.

"I gotta get outta here," I said, sliding off the bed, and heading for the door.

"Hey wait!" Selphie shouted.

"Oh yeah!" Zell yelled, "We're not supposed to let you walk around for a while!"

"Forget it," I said, going through the door.

Like I would actually waste my time lying around in this place.

Hey, what would I have been doing if Zell hadn't gotten me up in the first place?

…I think too much.

"Hey, Squall!"

I looked up to see a stupid grin plastered across that stupid cowboy's face.

"What's wrong… well, other than the usual?"

The usual? Is he just trying to tick me off?

I walked past him, deciding that it would be best not to say anything at all. I headed towards the elevator once again, to speak with the headmaster. I figured I might as well.

"Hey! Come on, Squall!" Irvine shouted, catching up to me.

Come on, what?

He ran in front of me, forcing me to stop and pay attention to him.

"Squall, it's been two years already," he said softly, "You need to get over her and move on."

As if you had the right to tell me that.

"Right," I said coldly, "Anything else important you feel I should do with my life?"

I walked past him again, hoping he would just give it up.

"Squall, I'm serious!" he shouted at me, "What you're doin' to yourself isn't healthy!"

Healthy? Since when has anyone cared about that?

"Hey Irvine, is going around without your stupid hat healthy?"

Don't ask me where that came from.

"What?"

"Just—just leave me alone," I shouted angrily, running through the elevator's open doors.

I pressed the button for the third level, and waited until the doors opened with an annoying DING! before running onto the next elevator, which took me into the second level of the headmaster's office.

"You wanted to speak to me, sir?" I asked the headmaster after I stepped off the lift.

The headmaster looked up from his desk, looking more stressed than he usually did. He opened his mouth, lips moving. I thought he was just saying something inaudible to himself, but his eyes met mine, so I knew he was definitely speaking to me.

Headmaster Cid continued speaking noiselessly to me, his mouth unmistakably moving, but none of his words reaching me. After a few seconds, his voice progressed from silent to just a whole bunch of scrambled mumbles.

"What?" I said, but his mouth just kept moving, like he hadn't heard me at all. "Sir?" I tried again, but he still just ignored me.

The excruciating pain in my head started up again, along with the ringing in my ears. I found I could actually move my body this time, because my hands were actually tightly clamped over my ears when I wanted them to be.

That didn't stop her voice from getting in my head.

I knew she was talking, but I couldn't understand her. She kept repeating herself, but her words were incoherently muffled together. She said a number of different phrases, each spoken with completely different emotions. Her phrases soon began repeating themselves, each in a different order every time. After a while, she started talking over herself, mixing different phrases over each other, making it impossible for me to comprehend anything she said. It made me feel dizzy and stupid, and my sanity couldn't take her screams, giggles, and whispers much longer.

"RINOA!" I screamed, falling to the ground on all fours, my hands still pressed tightly against my ears.

I ceased screaming when I felt the pressure of a trembling hand on my shoulder. I looked up to find myself face to face with Rinoa, looking exactly as I had seen her earlier, her skin a sickly pale, terror refusing to free its grip on her.

She spoke earnestly to me; I could tell she was desperately trying to give me a message. But like Cid, I couldn't hear any of her words. She grabbed my other shoulder with her free hand, tightening her hold on me with both hands, somewhat reducing her irrepressible trembling. She shook me frantically, shouting another word. No… I think it was a name.

My name.

I desperately tried reading her lips as she relayed another message, but I couldn't think clearly. She said my name again, repeating her anxious message over, and over, but I still couldn't make sense of what she was trying to say.

I whispered her name, unsure of what I was trying to accomplish. Maybe she would find her voice, maybe I would wake up. I don't know. I just wanted to do something for her.

She stopped talking, desperately searching my eyes for something, but I didn't know what. I just stared back into her frightened eyes, and then I shook my head slowly, telling her I just _didn't know_ what she was trying to tell me.

Her eyes widened even more in fear at my reaction. She tightly clenched her tiny fists, gathering small fistfuls of my leather jacket in her hands, as she hung her head in despair, realizing defeat.

"Nice try, Rinoa," a recognizable voice thundered above me, "But I'm afraid you're out of time."

I looked down at Rinoa, to find her slowly drawing her head up to look at me. I knew she understood the confusion on my face, but she only gave a dark, miserable expression that told me she'd just lost all hope.

She mouthed my name one last time before sadly repeating her silent message. At the end, she added a word I recognized as 'please.'

I shook my head again, wanting more than anything to just understand what she wanted, what she was trying to tell me.

The edges of her figure started to become blurry. She gave me one last sad expression before the features on her face gradually disappeared. I jumped back in surprise, as the color of her dark hair slowly faded into a bright light, along with the color of her clothes, until she was just a shining silhouette against the darkness around me.

I was about to shout her name, when I realized I didn't know what name I was trying to shout.

Wait, then who was that girl?

Girl? What girl? What am I talking about? What's going on!

As I opened my mouth to shout something again, I was pulled into the air by what felt like an invisible arm. I thought I would crash into the ceiling, but right when my body and the hard surface should have been painfully colliding, I was falling into the soft, comfortable infirmary bed.

I was once again throwing myself up into a sitting position, panting heavily, frantically wondering what was going on.

Hadn't I just woken up like this before seeing the headmaster? I had a crazy dream like this one, didn't I?

I racked my brain to remember the first dream I'd had.

It seemed pointless. I was just standing in a windy field of flowers for a while. Why did I get so worked up about it? And this dream I just woke up from, I heard tons of weird voices, and then someone was trying to tell me something, something really important.

But _what!_

I felt empty. Like I'd just lost something that meant everything to me, but I just couldn't remember what it was.

"Squall?"

I found I was again flinching in surprise to a voice, but this time, it wasn't Zell, it was Quistis.

The girl in the orange was sitting in the same chair Zell had been sitting in, but her blue eyes weren't looking at me in wonder, they were staring at me with concern.

"Squall, who's Rinoa?"

I blinked.

Rinoa?

My stomach went into knots at that word. My head started pounding because of the blood that began rushing to my ears.

"Rinoa…" I said softly, hoping that speaking the name would bring back something about this person.

I remembered that this is exactly the way I'd felt during my first dream.

Anxious, hurt, _scared…_

Why do I feel like this?

"Squall?"

"What?" I asked, snapping back to the infirmary at the sound of Quistis' voice.

"When you were sleeping, you kept screaming that name. Who is it?"

Rinoa…

That name had a horribly huge impact on me. I felt like I should definitely know who this 'Rinoa' was, like I was being absolutely ridiculous to not instantly know who this person was, but _I just didn't know._

And that drove me insane.

I looked around the room, hoping to find something that would force me to remember, but nothing came to my head. Only the fact that something extremely important to me was missing, gone.

"Squall, doesn't it feel like something's just not right?"

I nodded.

That's exactly how it felt. Almost like there was a huge hole in my chest, and I'd forgotten what was supposed to fill it. How could I possibly forget something that important?

I flopped back down on the bed, searching my memories for something, anything that would help me remember 'Rinoa.'

I found a whole lot of gaps.

I remembered back before we defeated Ultimecia. There was something my life had revolved around, something that mattered more to me than anything else in the world, something I was scared to death of losing.

But I just didn't know what. 

I then tried to remember what happened after we defeated Ultimecia. The month that followed seemed to be the best four weeks of my entire life. I remember I was always just really, really happy for, from what I could remember, no reason.

But there had to have been something to make me so happy, right? I mean, how could I just be happy on my own?

Wow. Am I really that kind of person?

Then I remembered something happened that broke me once again. I think it might have been something similar to Sis leaving me alone, but something that hurt me much more, because it was exactly what I'd been afraid of all along, and probably because of who did it to me.

So now I'm here, all alone, all alone and empty.

I searched harder for a memory, something that would tell me what had happened to me, only to realize that I _didn't _have any memories of actions or words or people. I only had memories of feelings. And maybe someone else's feelings.

But _who?_

"Something isn't right," I muttered, closing my eyes.

Then a voice rang through my head. A voice that struck fear and pain into me. A voice I recognized, but I couldn't attach it to a face or a name. A voice that had been desperately trying to tell me something important.

A voice I had been deaf to in a not so distant memory.

"Squall! Don't forget me. Everyone else will, but you have to remember! Please…"

Then I began to slowly piece together the strong feelings I associated with that voice, until a warm memory somehow found its way into my head.

"Squall… I love you."

Rinoa.

How could I forget?

I tried not to think, I stopped trying to remember her, but I couldn't stop the next wretched memory from surfacing, a memory that always came to my mind after I thought of the previous one.

"Don't touch me! …And don't come after me either!"

"What?"

"I'm not coming back! Just forget everything, ok?"

"Why? Rinoa, what's going on?"

"I don't have to tell you anything!"

And then she was gone, leaving me all alone, and confirming my worst fears.

It didn't make any sense. It had never made any sense to me.

During all the time we spent together, she always seemed so happy, she never _ever_ seemed like she wanted to leave. But I guess I must have screwed up somewhere, because she just kinda blew up at me and left one night, and now, here I am feeling more alone and empty than I ever have in my life.

A familiar pain was suddenly throbbing inside my head again. This time, it wasn't taking me into a demented dream.

I found myself slowly forgetting the first time I met her, how she'd forced me to dance with her, then I forgot the time we met again, in Timber.

I gradually began to realize what was happening.

You're… erasing Rinoa?

I fought to keep her. They couldn't take what little I had left of her, they just couldn't. She was everything, I couldn't lose her, I refused to lose her.

Wait.

I've already lost her. She left me. She's gone.

With that in mind, I slowly began to open up my mind, letting whatever it was eat away my memories. It was painful, I had to relive every single moment I'd shared with her, but I quickly forgot why I was hurting once it was gone.

Soon, there was nothing left but a face, and a name.

Rinoa…

It all slowly left me, and I eventually fell asleep, ignoring the frantic screams of a voice I felt I recognized, but I couldn't remember how I knew it.

But sleep quickly took over, and I didn't have time to think about the desperate words that scared girl was shouting.

I don't know how long I slept, but when I opened my eyes, I discovered a pair of green eyes that were only inches from my face closely observing me.

I quickly sat up, causing the girl to jump back into the seat across from the infirmary bed.

I rubbed my forehead with a sigh, looking towards Selphie, expecting to see a spastic grin on her face, but instead found an abnormal, anxious frown.

We both just kinda stared at each other until she said,

"Squall, what's a Rinoa?"

Rinoa?

I quickly realized something important to me was missing. Something I cared about more than anything was gone.

Something wasn't right.

Something… _but I just didn't know what._

And that drove me insane.

**I hope you liked it! I understand it's all kinda confusing now, but the next chapter will make more sense. Read and review, please!**


	2. Chapter 2: Forgotten

**Author's Note: Here's the second chapter of "Alone." It took me forever to write, but here it is. As I hope it's easy to assume, all the events in this chapter correspond with the events that occurred in the previous one.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Square, Square owns us all.**

Forgotten

When you really, _really_ love someone, you would do anything, _anything_ to save them… right?

That's what I believed. And that's why I did it.

But now I've lost everything, and I'm all alone.

All alone… just me and my thoughts.

I can't do anything but think. Just think all day until I realize it's the next day, maybe the next week, but all the while, thinking. And the more I do it, the more it hurts, every single painstaking thought intensifies the one that came before it, and I hate myself more for what I did to him.

Wait… Why am I complaining? He's probably hurting a lot more than I am.

I _know_ he's hurting a lot more than I am.

I knew when I did it that he would immediately retreat back to his introverted shell, cut himself off from the world, and then return to they way he'd been before I met him, cold and distant.

But the reason I did it… even if they were lying to me, I couldn't take that risk.

It's weird. Now that I'm here, I can understand why he was always so afraid of being alone. I wonder…if I'd known this would happen to me, would I try to keep my distance from everyone, as he did?

I guess it doesn't really matter.

…I miss him. I want to see him, I want to be with him again, I want to tell him I didn't mean anything I said that night.

But I'll never see him again. I'll never really know how badly he's hurting, and I'll never get to tell him how sorry I am for what I did.

I'll never be able to say 'I love you' to him again.

The slow creak of a door, approaching footsteps...

Maybe… maybe it could happen today?

My pulse sped up rapidly, and my stomach quickly began twisting into knots at the idea.

"Skaul?" I whimpered, opening my eyes towards the door hopefully.

I realized after I spoke that his name hadn't come out right. The word rolled off my tongue unnaturally, and if I had said more, my words would have been oddly pronounced and slurred together.

Maybe the stuff they've been injecting into me is developing more side effects.

I found myself disappointed to see that the old man in the white lab coat was approaching me slowly, a needle delicately held between his wrinkled fingers.

It's like this everyday. Whenever the door opens, I quickly get my hopes up, desperately wanting to see him pause in the doorway, then quickly rush by my side to rescue me.

But it's a silly fantasy. How would he find me? Why would he even worry about me, let alone, save me, especially since I told him to forget everything?

I know that I'll never see him again, but for some reason, I think the same way everyday.

But nothing matters anymore.

I'm soon pulled back into reality when I look to the doorway only to find these strange men in lab coats with their sharp, pointy syringes, ready to inject some disgusting purple substance into my bloodstream.

_Scuff, _scuFF_, SCUFF._

I scooted back towards the wall and pulled my knees to my chest as the sound of footsteps grew louder and closer.

"No, nod doday, blease…" I moaned pathetically, ignoring my horribly congested- sounding voice.

The man knelt down next to me, pulling down my trembling knees and grabbing my limp arm, like I was some kind of rag doll that could be easily tossed around. I tried to pull away, but the man seemed to have no problem keeping my arm where he wanted it.

"Doon't," I whined, trying to find the strength to resist, but the man just tightened his grip on me, hurting me more than I think it should have.

"Be quiet, Rinoa," he said calmly, as he raised the needle, flicking the plastic that held the violet liquid with his forefinger and thumb.

"No…" I protested, shaking my head, the only action I made to resist. Two years ago, or however long I've been here, I would have been kicking and screaming with all I had, I would have done anything in my power to get away from the man.

But I wasn't the person I had been two years ago, I wasn't the same strong-willed woman I used to be, so I could only tightly shut my eyes as he plunged the needle through my skin, the painful sting rapidly shooting through my forearm as he injected the fluid into my body. I could only wince when the sharp tip was finally pulled out of my arm, and the thick liquid slowly entered my forearm, then slowly spread to my fingertips, my shoulder, until I could feel it coursing throughout my entire body.

I broke out into a cold sweat, my limbs beginning to shake violently. My entire body was screaming out in pain, it was all I felt, I couldn't even feel the tears that soon soaked my face.

"They're all going to forget you," the man said, taking no heed to the horrible pain I was obviously in.

"What?"

"And if they find a way to remember, they'll forget again."

How can he know that? Does he really mean it? Could that happen?

"No!"

If he forgets about me, there's no way he'll ever be able to get me out of here!

I don't know why I clung to that thought, but the idea of him taking me away from this wretched place seemed to be the only thing that kept me alive. And if he forgot about me, there would be absolutely no chance for me to see him again, and I could never be rescued.

It suddenly felt as if a million needles were being jabbed repeatedly into my entire body. Every single inch of my skin screamed out as the pain quickly grew more intense, the imaginary needles pricking me harder and deeper with every agonizingly slow second…

I curled into a ball on the hard, cold floor, screaming and crying like a four-year-old. I think the man left, I'm really not sure, as I was frantically screamed for the pain to stop, for help, for _him…_

And yet, nobody seemed to care.

I was suddenly pulled out of the tremendous pain and found myself standing in the middle of a huge green field, the strong wind tossing pretty flower petals about, along with my hair and knitted duster.

Is this a dream?

I seriously wondered for a while, but the hard, cold wind blowing against my skin, through my hair, and the fresh air filling my nose told me that this was definitely too real to be a dream.

For a few blissful moments, I felt free and lighthearted, the urge to spontaneously skip and dance through this field seemed to be my only option, I hadn't felt this way for what seemed like forever, but right when I began spreading out my arms and kicking up my legs, a heavy, sickening feeling suddenly pulled me down with a force that made me cough and gag, causing the fleeting feelings of delight and contentment to melt into anxiousness fear, and…

Guilt…

_Sickening Guilt…_

Someone was here. Someone I missed more than anyone. Someone I cared about more than anything.

"Squall?"

I didn't need to turn around to know he was there.

I was so scared, I couldn't keep myself from trembling as I spun on my heel, and walked closer to him, tightly clutching the rings on my necklace, my eyes firmly fixed on my feet. I finally stopped when I was close enough to him, and somehow fought up the courage to raise my eyes from the ground, and look up at him.

Fear and guilt slapped me in the face the instant our eyes met. I wanted to look away, but I found that I wasn't allowing myself, I was unconsciously enforcing a sick punishment upon myself: I needed to take a long, hard look at what I had done to the one I loved, I needed to witness what I was responsible for.

As I kept our eyes locked in the painful stare, I realized he really was worse than I had imagined.

He looked extremely tired; it was obvious he had had many sleepless nights, and idly wasted days. His skin was slightly paler than I remembered, and his shiny brown hair was messy, like he hadn't run a comb through it for days.

But that wasn't even the half of it.

His eyes, the beautiful eyes that had once been endlessly filled with deep, clear emotions were now cold, dead…

Empty...

If I had searched harder, I could have found the anger, anxiousness, pain, and fear that also consumed him, but I could only see the horrible emptiness that overwhelmed him, the emptiness _I _had filled him with.

_What have I done to him?!_

Guilt. Unbearable, sickening guilt.

It smothered and choked me, a dreadful weight that was determined to drag me to the ground.

I did this to him. It's all my fault. How could I, _how could I?!_

I realized how badly I was shaking. My knees were ready to give in, and my teeth were chattering like crazy, even through my closed mouth. I knew he could hear them loudly clattering together, I just knew it, so I quickly bit my bottom lip, hoping it would help the shaking stop.

"Rinoa?"

It didn't.

My trembling only grew worse at the sound of his voice. I hadn't heard his voice for so long. It felt so good, yet awful. He was obviously miserable and the tremendous amount of pain and anger he felt towards me were clearly written in his voice, but I was almost certain I could feel gladness there also.

I'm so sorry, I thought, willing my thoughts to turn themselves into words.

I wanted to speak. I wanted to tell him so badly that I hadn't meant any of it, that I'd always felt the same way about him, my feelings for him had never changed, but only unwanted tears rolled down my cheeks, and a small, pathetic whimper escaped my lips, a sharp contrast to the words I had so badly wanted to say to him for so long.

I looked back up at him, unable to speak, only able to cry. I could only hope my eyes were telling him what I'd been thinking.

Maybe he understood, maybe he somehow forgot how angry he was with me, maybe he was only acting by instinct… maybe he was crazy, but when he slowly wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him, I knew his feelings for me hadn't changed during our separation, as mine hadn't for him.

Squall?

I held onto him tightly, crying harder as I buried my face in his chest. He didn't say anything, he didn't need to, he just held me there, and absentmindedly ran his fingers along my back, and through my hair, comforting me more than any candy-coated words could have.

Somehow he was telling me there was nothing to worry about, that everything was all right, even though we both knew that nothing was. But for that moment, nothing that had happened before, or anything that would happen after, mattered.

For that moment, I wasn't able to think, only able to feel.

I couldn't let go, I would never let go. It could have been a dream, it should have been a dream, but since it wasn't, I would hold onto him as tightly as I possibly could.

I desperately tried to make time stop, but the seconds seemed to pass too quickly, and somehow, the sick thoughts found their way back into my head, and I began doubting everything.

Why is he comforting me? Why is he protecting me? Does he really care about me? …Or does he just believe that none of this is real?

Almost immediately after I thought it, he spoke. The words obviously tasted bitter in his mouth.

"This is a dream."

No!

The warmth and safety were quickly ripped away from me, taking away the support that had kept me on my feet, bringing me to my knees.

He was here. He held me. He let me cry on him. But now—

"He is gone," an ominous voice said, finishing my thought aloud.

I quickly opened my eyes, and looked up, realizing I wasn't free in the windy field anymore; I was trapped back in that God forsaken room, all alone, my physical pain slowly returning to me.

"No…" I whispered, refusing to accept reality.

I had just been in his arms. He was with me, and he _cared! _But now—

"He's gone," the voice said again, this time firmer, "And he will forget you."

My trembling increased, my eyes widening in fear once again, "No…" I whispered again.

No. He can't. He just _can't. _

"He was right, you know."

At my confused expression, he continued, "About it being a dream."

I shook my head, and spoke, realizing my voice was back to normal, even in this place.

"No… It was real, it was definitely real."

Another tear slid down my cheek as I desperately tried to remember the feeling of his arms securely wrapped around me, his clean, sweet scent filling me, his warm skin against mine—

"How did you do it?" his voice had changed; he wasn't as calm anymore, but it was obvious he was trying to keep himself under control. It was strange; I felt I recognized this sound, this tone of voice, but I couldn't remember where.

"What?"

"How did you bring him there?" he said, his voice rising with every word.

"Wha--"

Suddenly losing his patience, the old, but surprisingly strong man roughly grabbed me and uncomfortably shoved me against the wall. I winced as his hot breath hit my skin, his face only inches from mine as he whispered,

"Don't play dumb! How did you do it, sorceress?"

Sorceress? But my powers are gon--

"Answer me!"

The memory of where I had heard this tone of voice suddenly came flooding back to me.

It had been him who'd pulled me away from the world and told me there was no escape. It had been him who'd told me if Squall came after me, they'd kill him. He had told me I had to make sure Squall had no reason to care where I was or what I was doing.

…And I'd done what that man told me to.

"_Answer_!"

"I don't know!" I finally shouted, returning to the present.

Disbelief quickly crept on his face, along with murderous intent. I trembled even more, my stomach swirling with panic and sickly chemicals.

"I don't know!" I screamed again as his sharp nails dug into my skin, slowly cutting off the circulation in my arms.

Why is he doing this? Can't he see that I'm telling the truth?

Through my terror, I was somehow able to hear the door quickly open, and the angry shout of another male voice,

"What the hell are you doing?"

The old man suddenly released his vice grip on me, blood slowly finding its way through the familiar veins as he walked out the door, giving me one last deadly look before the other angry man slammed the door behind him.

What just happened?

"_How did you do it, sorceress?"_

Are my powers back?

No, no. They can't be. They just can't.

…Even if they were, how could I possibly be capable of pulling someone into a dream world?

"_And he will forget you."_

No. I can't let that happen.

I had to be with him, I had to tell him that he couldn't forget me, he just couldn't. I had to find a way to tell him, even if it meant using my powers.

Hell, I wasn't even sure if they were really there… I just threw all the energy I had left into trying to be with him, trying to tell him that he couldn't forget me.

I found myself in Headmaster Cid's office, facing the elevator. A million words I had said before ran unclearly through my head, clouding my ability to think clearly. I tried to make my voice stop, but it only seemed to get worse, the words I had once said began to over lap each other, and my mind became more and more hazy the more and more I heard my irritable, happy, angry, or excited voice.

"RINOA!!"

The harsh, painful screaming of a voice I painfully recognized filled my ears, and broke through the incessant rambling of my own voice. I was finally able to think clearly and remember my purpose for being here. I quickly dropped to the floor in front of the screaming man and placed a trembling hand on his shoulder.

He immediately stopped screaming, and drew his head up to look at me. The surprise on his face was clear, but I ignored it, hysterically shouting like a madwoman to explain why I was here.

"You can't forget me!"

I realized it sounded weird, and it must have seemed to come out of nowhere, but why was that blank expression on his face?

I tightly grabbed his other shoulder, and slightly shook him, desperately yelling his name.

He _had _to understand.

"Squall!" I frantically shouted, "Don't forget me! Everyone else will, but you have to remember!"

His expression slowly altered from blank to confused.

Why couldn't he understand? Wasn't it simple enough?

I repeated myself three more times, becoming more and more frantic each time I spoke.

He opened his mouth to speak, but his voice didn't reach me as I watched him mouth my name. But I was too frantic to really care.

Until I finally understood the meaning of his blank expression.

He didn't understand me. He _couldn't _understand me.

I desperately stared into his eyes, wishing he could just comprehend what I was saying, but it seemed like he couldn't even hear me.

Why? What's going on?

My heart sank as he slowly shook his head. He obviously had absolutely no idea what I was trying to tell him.

I tightly clenched my fists, unintentionally gathering his jacket in my hands.

Why couldn't he get it, dammit!? What am I doing wrong?

I looked at the ground, beginning to give up.

"Nice try, Rinoa," a voice I recognized thundered above us, "But I'm afraid you're out of time."

No!

I looked back up at him, wishing I could answer all the questions written on his face, but I knew it was hopeless.

"Squall," I whispered, one last time, "Don't forget me. Everyone else will, but you _have_ to remember! …Please…"

He shook his head again.

He still couldn't understand.

My last chance had vanished.

No…

I don't know how, but I felt him slowly begin to forget all about me. Who I was, what I meant to him, my name. Everything.

_Everything._

No!

I cried and screamed, oblivious to the fact that my lack of concentration brought me tumbling back into that room. All I could feel was the unrelenting pain in my chest, the fire that burned me to ashes as I felt myself being completely erased from his mind.

I was alone.

Forgotten.

There was no one out there who cared about me. No one out there to rescue me.

As I wallowed in myself, I somehow felt him searching for me. I could feel him desperately trying to find out what he felt was missing, who I was.

Hope somehow found its way back into me, and I prayed with all my might that he would remember.

You can't forget, you have to remember, you have to, you have to, _you have to…_

It seemed to be forever before I heard his bitter voice in my head.

"_How could I forget?"_

…He remembered?

I was too happy to even question why or how, but…

It didn't last.

I felt our memories slowly being removed from his mind. I could feel his struggle to keep me, his fight to hold onto what little he had left of us.

We fought together.

But it wasn't long before he told himself that he'd already lost me; I'd left him.

I tried my hardest to tell him that that wasn't true. But he ignored everything I desperately shouted as he opened his mind to whoever "they" were and let "them" rip me away from him.

No…

_No._

I wanted him to remember me, I wanted him to care about me, but most of all, I wanted him with me.

For so long, I'd wished he would just heroically rescue me, and take me away from here. But right then, all I wanted was for him to be right by my side.

But there was nothing I could do.

I was only able to think as I lay abandoned on the cold, hard floor. I was only able to think as the hours and days slowly passed by. I was only able to think as the emptiness that had just suddenly fell upon him swallowed me also.

But it didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

Because there was no out there who cared about me.

There was no one out there who knew I existed.

No matter how hard I wished for him to be here, no matter how badly I just wanted him to be with me, I was completely helpless. There was absolutely nothing I could do.

Because I had been abandoned by everyone.

I was alone.

Forgotten.

Again.

**If you read all the way to here, I am in love with you. Thank you so much for reading! I don't know why that was so hard to write. I think I just like writing as Squall more than Rinoa. Oh well. I hope you liked it. Review, please!**


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